Where I come from

Good day to all who are reading this blog.

Some of you who read this blog might be in awe of some of the things that I write, I am not trying to "toot my own horn" so-to-speak, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong... The thing is some of you might not get the chance to talk to me... or get to know the real me, that is fine. So... here goes... I am a 20 year old guy, who struggles throughout my daily life.

"What do you struggle with?" you might ask? Well, I have two learning disabilities, and I live alone... well with a cat... and I feel like I am a kid trapped in an adults body. For those of you who don't know what I mean, the answer is simple... I act more like a kid than an adult. Another thing is that I am completely aware of being an adult, and acting like a child. I mean, it is one thing to be an adult acting like a child, and not even being aware that one does so, and then being completely aware, and be helpless to do anything to change that... it well, sucks...

One thing that really irritates me is when people look at me and yell at me to "Grow-Up" I look at them and say, "I'm trying." It is really hard for someone to go through... There are no books on it, there is nothing on how to seek help... so i pretty much struggle through my day-to-day life, sure I do my best to hide it, but underneath my calm, relaxed, exterior, lies a struggle that is probably going to never end...

So, in closing, the next time you gripe at someone to "Grow-Up" think about what you are saying, and how it could affect that person... especially for someone like me.

This one is for all those who have lost a loved one.

The following is a poem that I wrote in memory of my grandma, she passed away April 5th, 2009 I was living with her, when I woke up, I found that she had passed... so here's to you grandma:

Yesterday I looked at you,

We shared a laugh

Today I find you

But you have gone

Today my life has been flipped

Turned upside down by all these events

Hard to believe that it has been half a year

I still ponder the question,

was there anything I could have done?

I still have questions,

But have found no answers

I look at your picture...

But only see a hole

You meant the world to me

Today I lie on the floor

A broken man

Heart lies tattered on the ground

Though I try to hide it,

I still can't see through the tears

Yesterday we hugged,

Last night we said goodnight

And today you are gone

And I am left with memoirs

My angel lies next to me

My demon strangles me

I am left with no more sorrows

Looked in the mirror today

And thought i caught a glimpse of your face

But when i turned to look, it was gone

Although nothing that I do will bring you back

Your memory is alive and well in my heart

I weep silent tears tonight

I long to hear your voice

I long to sit next to you,

I long to be your shoulder,

One more time

But for now these are only lost hopes

For I saw you in the casket

And I see you in the ground

So whilst writing this,

I weep silently

Whilst my angel hugs me

What i would give to hold you

In my arms one last time

Alas 'tis only a dream

I can only look up and hope that you are looking back

and nothing more

I listen to your song,

And remember the joy that it brought to you

It lulls me to sleep tonight

As I weep into my pillow

To look foward to seeing you in my dreams

But not when I wake

But for now I saw my goodbye

And hope to visit you soon

1300+ Hits O.O

Alright, so for those of you who have been following my blog, I am going to state a formal thank you to those who are active readers of this blog, for those of you who are just joining in, take a few minutes to read through some of the blogposts in the archive, there is quite an interesting array.

I have been trying this new feature on Vista that I have just recently re-discovered.... kinda poor, but I am getting used to the idea of talking to my computer and it doing almost exactly what I told it to do.

I have had a rather interesting week so far, a few "friends" of mine had been staying with me for a little bit, but i had to kick them out this past saturday, for failure to pay rent, and failure to show respect towards me. They have since vandalized my apartment door, and have threatened to beat the crap out of me... over what, me showing them an act of kindness, and this is how they repay me? By carving "FAG" in my apt door? That is just bull... Oh well... sometimes life doesn't always agree with you, so what can you do?

Anyway, Thanks to all who have shown support for my blog throughout the months, and feel free to keep visiting.

Thank you all, and untill the next update:

Peace

Gruesome

This life is guresome,

Or maybe it's just me

Kill me slowly

For this time it's different

Turn on the lights

So you can see what I have become...

I am the one who bears the scars

I am the one so many fear

I am the one for whom the bell tolls

For I am the reaper of souls

No one can begin to understand

The empty shell that I've become

Turn around and look at what I've done

Who cares enough to mourn the lost souls

That I so brutally harvested

Fear me oh mortal soul

For I am the one who shall hear

Your dying breath

And when you meet me, You're blood'll run cold

Do not fear the shadow of death

Or your death shall be utterly Gruesome

Yell at me 'till death do us part

And you will be the next victim

In this brutal game of mine

And I am...

The funeral...

And I am...

The grave...

And I am...

The dead...

And I am...

Coming for you!